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<title>Studies of Doctor Related Phobias by Lilogirl</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26313196">Studies of Doctor Related Phobias</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilogirl/pseuds/Lilogirl'>Lilogirl</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Community (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Asperger Syndrome, Canon Autistic Character, Childhood, Childhood Trauma, Doctors &amp; Physicians, Gen, Stim Toys, meltdowns</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:54:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,282</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26313196</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilogirl/pseuds/Lilogirl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Abed learns how to cope with his fear of doctors.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Studies of Doctor Related Phobias</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ever since Abed was little, he’s always hated visits to the doctor. </p><p>His first doctor’s visit was when he was four years old. His parents had been arguing for weeks about whether the appointment should even happen, but in the end, they had agreed that it would all be for the best. </p><p>When they tell Abed this, he just nods his head and says “Ok”, because that’s how his parents have taught him to behave. Besides, Sesame Street had taught him that a trip to the doctor wasn’t that scary, so what did he have to fear?</p><p>When he enters the doctor’s office, his bravery starts to waver. Even for an adult, the doctor is much taller than him, and his face is stern and intense, like he’s already mad at the young boy for something he hasn’t done yet. </p><p>His parents talk to the doctor about a multitude of behaviors they have noticed in Abed. They talk about how often he flaps his hands, how he cries when confronted by loud noises, how he squirmed uncontrollably whenever they tried to hug him, and how he just couldn’t seem to connect with any of the other children on the playground. </p><p>After they finish telling him all this, the doctor says that he thinks it would be best if they schedule more visits with him in order to “see if we can get any answers”. </p><p>The next few months are a blur of appointments, of being interrupted from watching Disney movies and getting dragged to the same building again and again. </p><p>It’s a steady stream of the same doctor asking him questions that Abed doesn’t feel like answering, because he just wants to go home and finish watching The Fox and the Hound. </p><p>It’s a routine of the doctor and Abed’s parents saying words he’s never heard before, words like “symptoms” and “diagnosis”. </p><p>One of the doctor’s visits culminate with his mom and dad having a heated debate, and they use phrases like “You have no idea what you’re talking about!” as they yell and snap at each other. Abed starts to rock back and forth, wishing he could disappear to somewhere safe, somewhere comforting with no loud noises. </p><p>He starts to cry, and his father points at him and yells “See! You set him off, this is what happens when we try out one of your crazy ideas!” and Abed cries even louder because now it feels like his ears are bleeding and he’s thinking about how all of this is his fault, how his parents are fighting because of him and there’s nothing he can do to stop it. </p><p>The doctor starts to recommend some other specialists they can visit, doctors who might be able to help more than he did, and Abed wants to kick and hit something, because he hates the idea of being asked even more weird questions. </p><p>For the duration of the next year, he is sent to a multitude of specialists. </p><p>Some of them are stern with him right out of the gate, some try to be nurturing before they lecture him about why he shouldn’t flap his hands or refuse to make eye contact. </p><p>Some speak at a snail’s pace, like they don’t trust him to understand them otherwise, some speak sharp and fast as they rattle off their opinions on his behavior to his parents. </p><p>Some speak in hushed tones so that Abed can’t hear, some speak clearly and confidently as they talk about how he’s a “special case”. </p><p>But no matter what arbitrary differences there are between these professionals, they all have one thing in common: they make Abed feel awful. </p><p>They make him feel like he’s some horrible creature whose only purpose is to be a burden on the people who brought him into this world. </p><p>They make him feel like there is something about him that is broken, like something in his brain went wrong that he can never fix. </p><p>They make him feel like he’s letting his parents down every time he has a meltdown or just can’t figure out a social cue. </p><p>When Abed is six years old, his mother leaves, and while Abed is heartbroken, he figures the whole thing has a sense of logic to it. After all, it makes sense that she wouldn’t want to put up with all his meltdowns. It almost comforts him that he’s able to find what he thinks is a sensible explanation for all this.</p><p>Life is, to put it simply, lonely and painful for the young boy and his father without Abed’s mom, and things get even worse when 9/11 ravages the nation, because now people refuse to buy food from the family falafel stand for reasons Abed doesent even want to think about. Money’s always been a concern in Abed’s family, but now things are even worse, and Abed’s dad can’t afford to take Abed to the same doctors anymore.</p><p>He starts having to send Abed to cheaper specialists, people who yell at him whenever he flaps his hands and yell even louder when he starts to cry. By the time he’s 17, his heart starts to beat so loud he can hear it whenever he has to enter a doctor’s office. </p><p>He wants to tell his dad how this makes him feel, but a little voice keeps telling him that “no, you can’t do that, he’ll just think your being a baby.” So he keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t tell his dad how he feels, and it works, even though he’s miserable. </p><p>When he’s in his early twenties, he enrolls in Greendale Community College, and he’s relieved because now he has people he can call friends. They may not always understand him, but for the first time in his life, he feels like he has a support system, which creates a feeling he’s never felt before. </p><p>Best of all, having friends means that when he absolutely HAS to go to the doctor, when he has to go somewhere that he knows will bring back memories of his parents fighting, of being yelled at, and of feeling like a test subject, he has people who can come with him to help him feel safe. </p><p>One day, when he’s hanging out in he and Troy’s apartment, he remembers he has to go to a specialist for his annual check-up that day, and he whispers to Troy, “I have to go to the doctor today. I really don’t want to go, but I have to, and I feel like I might scream.” </p><p>Troy Barnes slowly nods his head in understanding. He leans in and whispers “do you think it would be better if you had a stim toy to play with?” Abed nods, and Troy reaches into the side pocket of his jacket, pulls out a squishy purple ball that he lets Abed borrow whenever the situation demands it, and places it in Abed’s outreaching palms. </p><p>As Abed begins to squeeze the ball with his bony fingers, he asks Troy if he thinks he “could come with me to the appointment? I understand if you want to stay here, I know you were planning on finishing Super Mario 64-”</p><p>“Abed, it’s ok, I’ll come with you.” Troy says, his voice filled with softness. “You’re way more important to me than any video game.” he says with a small chuckle. </p><p>Abed smiles, gets up from his seat and puts his cardigan on, and breaths a sigh of relief because even though he’s still a little scared, he’s once again reminded that his days of being completely alone are over.</p><p>He feels like he’s protected.</p><p>He feels supported. </p><p>He feels safe.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks to onemechanicalalligator for inspiring the stim toy scene with her "Fundamentals of Stimming" fic.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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